you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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