THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
