haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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