It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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