Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love you.
Bad choice
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
