I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
