so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
