Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
