i need an iv and a liver transplant
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
