i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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