i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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