Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
