My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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