Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
