god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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