I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
