update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
