something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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