normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
