Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
operation harelip BJ is a go
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
