Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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