she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
