I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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