Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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