Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
