I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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