My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
