i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
