The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
