ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
