Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
