you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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