I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
