ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
