i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
