Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
