I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
