Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
