I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
