Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We left the knife in your bed.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
