Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
