He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
