Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
