Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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