shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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