I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
