My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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