Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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