my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
