Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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