She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
