i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
